Saturday, March 5, 2011

Luco & Fan-Mail

I have been receiving fan-mail as of late from several readers; the two most prolific and, write me multiple times a day. In a recent email from iluvkatz, s/he writes:

     Hey, Luco! Just been reading and saw this poem that reminded me of you. Here goes: "My eyes are blue, like the sky, and change all the time; they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away. Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them still." That's from "Meditations in an Emergency," by Frank O'Hara. I dunno, just sounded like something you'd dig.

And strangely, as much as I did not want to "dig" this, I found I did - there is something to be said for someone else capturing exactly the way I feel.

So that was rather a lovely email, but then I get others that I do not enjoy reading in the slightest. Garfieldsbff in particular sends me strange and atrocious messages. Here is one I received this morning. I can only assume these are song lyrics:

  Luuuu! I can't stop thinking about you. When I close my eyes  it's your face I see. Rick Astley said it better than I ever could. "Never gonna give you up/never gonna let you down/never gonna run around and desert you/never gonna make you cry/never gonna say goodbye/never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!!" Say  you'll be mine foreverrrrr. *purrs* xoxox

Garfieldsbff, what is this? What is this horrible writing you send me? And in an ill advised attempt to win my heart? I must inform you, Garfieldsbff and any other reader convinced they see in me something worth pursuing romantically, my heart is a sea urchin lodged in my chest; spiny, dangerous, poisonous. Even if you did love me, I could never love you back, not in any real way; I see too clearly for that. I understand too intimately the heart's capacity for darkness.  

Those lyrics do tend to repeat themselves in one's head though. I have been mumbling them to myself all day.

Oh, how it pains me to read the fan-mail. How the bad grammar, unkind usage of adverbs, and sentimentality stifle me! Iluvkatz just sent me the most devastating message yet:

  So, did you like the poem? I thought so! See, there are people,  Luco, who can understand you! I get you! You and me are formed  of the same sad clay, yanno? And! Since I know I prolly got you  thinking with that poem I sent ya, I just wanted to say: roflmao, you're a cuuuuuuute kitty kat! I just wanna pet you and you can sit on my lap. I'll pick you up and read you poetry all day long! See? I just wanna make you happy! I know I can do it. Email me back!

Iluvkatz, I had thought of you as perhaps an equal. Perhaps, I thought to myself, here is a creature who might come to know me in more than a superficial way. Perhaps this is someone who can understand me. But no. Obviously I was wrong, because anyone who thinks I would respond in a positive manner to being called a "cuuuuuuuuute kitty kat" has no concept or understanding of who I am. Iluvkatz, because you nearly reached me, I loathe you that much more intensely.

I would prefer twenty emails from Garfieldsbff like this one:

  "Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand all you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hands and touch me. Hold me close don't ever let me go." Just heard it on the radio and immediately thought of you and your cutiepie little face. More than words fer realz, Luco. Fer realz.*purrs* xoxox

At least Garfieldsbff is upfront with her/his idiocy. 

Nobody gets me.

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