The Dog's Extreme Triumph

Hello! Today I'm blogging on Luco's blog (I call it secretly the Cat Vomit Blog not so secret now but lol that's what Lu gets for betting on a bunch of LOSERS). And! I'm in my green chair which is a great chair for both sitting in and for trying to eat it because things that are the color green really usually taste good things like grass. 

I'm a fan of Dirk Nowitzki because unlike Wade and James and Bosh he is good at winning basketball games if you see him he takes a ball the size of me and throws it so it goes all the way around the world and then ends up somehow in the basket! That's the kind of game I like to watch.

There are other things I like to watch too! I like to watch the cats when they are being strange like Luco does when he spends hours silently crying in the bathroom I like to watch ducks and I wish I could eat them! Other things as well. Like sometimes squirrels if I can see them and things like that. If I can watch food that's also good because food like steak is one of the best things to watch you can imagine how it tastes! Sort of like blood because I like that! 

Don't worry though if you're feeling anxious because I'm not some kind of vampire dog just a Mavs dog who won a bet with a kitty who put too much stock in the celebrities. 

I said I would not interrupt you, dog, but I fail to see how discussing the things you like to "watch" (and apparently in some cases eat) is relevant, interesting, or in any way a worthwhile endeavor. Must I remind you that you made an oath to me to write an elegant blog entry? You promised wittiness, worldliness. Perhaps you could discuss the GOP race or global inequities? Maybe you could speak a moment to the deafening roar of our own beating hearts; metronomes to keep the beat of our mortality? 

I promise I will not interject again, but please, for the love of all that is green and growing on this earth, say something meaningful. Do you find this suitable? Will you please at the very least attempt an intelligent missive, or am I asking too much of your pitiable intellect? 

Can we go back and pretend he didn't say anything because I don't know what all the words meant but I can tell tone and his tone was angry. But why? Isn't it great that there are fun things to watch like basketball for us?

Is it dumb of me to enjoy something?  

He wants elegant but I don't know what that means is it like long maybe or does he mean funny? What's a elegant? A small elephant? I know those and I'd like to eat one.

The world is a, is a hard place I think because people. And they sometimes hurt each other. The rich people have all the stuff and the poor people have none of the stuff. Which is a bad thing.

Also though there's stuff like I said before like the Mavericks and steak. And grass to eat and sad cats who cry. I can chase them and think about ducks all at once.

Probably ducks would taste delicious like steak does and eggs do if you eat cheese then you know that's wonderful because it's so soft and salty and if you eat it you're happy. Luco's right because it's sad not everybody can have cheese when they want it.

And it's sad that I want cheese and steak and eggs and ducks and squirrels and I can't have them either because in my mouth they would crunch crunch crunch by my strongest teeth.

I bet Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Tyson Chandler, Jason Terry, and Nowitzki all feel the same way about crunching food and eating it. We could all go to a restaurant and they could get me food that would be delicious and I'd tell them how great they are and about the bully Luco who is really only a bully because he's depressed that's what I think.

Either that or he really doesn't like me because there's probably something wrong with me like maybe I walk funny because of when I got hit by a car or because I say things he doesn't like like before when I talked about the stuff that made him angry. 

What is there not to like about me? I'm really good at predicting who will win basketball Finals for one and I know that I have to capitalize Finals for two and there are other things I'm good at as well like using contractions and I know what those are but not the word elegant!

But maybe elegant means this post of mine. It probably does, right?

This blog post is as elegant as I am.

Which hopefully is a good thing.